IVF: Sehaj’s success story and takeaways

After being happily married for 7 years, my Husband and I were more than ready to have a child. But as it happens, the best things in life come with hard work and endurance. After being told that it would be very difficult for me to conceive naturally due to my endometriosis and also a problem with the position of my Fallopian tubes we started our IVF process. Two years and two surgeries later, I sit and write this with one of my twin babies happily cooing on my lap and the other one pulling my sweet dog's tail. My life has never been more chaotic and yet there has never been more peace and calm in my heart. I don’t feel upset or resentful about anything we went through to get here. On the contrary, I feel successful and proud.

Here are a few takeaways that helped me stay positive through the process of IVF, Pregnancy, and early motherhood:

• Stay away from societal judgments: The opinions that matter of you and your partner and then your close family and friends. Only the people who love you and want the best for you. Don’t worry about what people outside of that circle will say. Our society is full of judgment but it’s also full of kindness. Focus on the kind words and forget the rest.

• Be informed: Be well aware of the medical treatment you are getting. If you have been diagnosed with a condition, get a second set of tests and a second doctor's opinion to confirm it. And once you are sure you need treatment then choose the best doctor and put your trust and faith in them. Let them do their job and always be hopeful about the outcome. Don’t be a skeptic!

• Be financially secure: Do some financial planning before you start this journey. You should know what the costs will be beforehand so you are organized and also get your health insurance in place accordingly.

• It is not your fault: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, there are very difficult days and be kind and understanding towards yourself but always remember that there is still a lot to be grateful for and there are many people with more serious medical issues than this. You will get through this.

• Focus on extracurriculars: Don’t make having babies the sole motive of your life. Keep your mind distracted with projects and activities outside of this too. If you make all your energy and worries only focus on this, you may add pressure on yourself and create tension in your mind and surrounding environment.

• Manifest positive thoughts: Read motivational books, watch happy TV shows, listen to good music, surround yourself with positive people. Consciously cut out people and habits that create negativity around you. Avoid all kinds of serious confrontations and arguments that don't lead you anywhere and are pointless.

• Focus on your physical health: Take time to plan a healthy diet and exercise every day. Even if you can’t do serious workouts, make sure you walk for an hour every day. This helped me with the side effects of the hormones during the IVF and the pregnancy. Do not eat extra ghee, butter, sugar, paneer, etc. just because you are pregnant, even if all the aunties insist. Better to focus on protein-rich food and vegetables/ fruit. I never ate any of the fattening foods during my pregnancy or while breastfeeding but ate very nutritious meals instead and both my children were above average weight. I only say this because I feel a lot of women put on excess weight and it adds to the postpartum blues as they don’t feel good about themselves. It is smart to be prepared and start looking after your physical health from day 1 of your pregnancy to avoid this.

• Invest in Mom community: Most importantly focus on the community and don’t shut yourself in. Take breaks and step out for an hour every few days to meet friends and pamper yourself. Use online communities like Momly to seek advice or even consolation from women who have gone through similar situations. Be vocal about issues you facing and things that upset you, once you start talking you will be amazed to see how many women have gone through similar situations and how much support they will be willing to give you.

• Keep the marital spark alive: Men are also going through a wave of new emotions but are not usually as expressive. Be kind and compassionate towards each other. Let go of the small issues and avoid fighting. You will be much happier through this phase. Keep the spark alive however difficult it may seem.

To all moms who are going through this phase, sending a lot of good vibes and positivity. Just remember, you will be successful in the end, no matter how long or difficult your journey is. You will have a beautiful child by the end of it and the immense joy from that little person will surpass all the challenges that you have experienced along the way.

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